Why “Faking It ‘Til You Make It” Isn’t the Move to Become Your Dream Self

Let’s be real—how many times have you heard “fake it ‘til you make it” thrown around like it’s the golden rule of confidence? Whether it’s stepping into a new job, starting a passion project, or finally posting that content you’ve been scared to share, the idea of faking your way through it is everywhere. But here’s the thing: what if faking it is just a way to fool yourself? Not in a good way…

I'm calling it out: you don’t need to fake anything.

You just need to decide you already are your dream self.

Why “Faking It” Feels Off

When we say we’re “faking” confidence, it feels like we imply that confidence is something separate from us, like we’re borrowing it from someone else or putting on a costume to play a part. But confidence isn’t a mask. It’s a muscle. And you don’t build muscles by pretending—you build them by using them, even when they feel shaky.

The intention behind the statement is amazing; it gets you to who you want to be. But I have noticed this about myself: calling the action “faking” created distance between who I am and who I want to be. Instead of owning my growth, I feel like I’m performing it. Instead of stepping into my power, I’m stepping outside of myself. I didn’t like the undertones of pretending to be someone I’m not; it made me feel worse. Subconsciously or consciously, I knew it was lying. The word choice is the key here.

Decide Instead of Fake

Confidence starts with a decision. You choose to act, even when it’s uncomfortable. You decide to raise your hand, pitch the idea, wear the outfit, speak up—even when your heart is pounding. That decision is yours. Not a version of you that you have to earn. Not a character you’re playing. Not an impostor. Just you, doing the brave thing anyway.

Your “Alter Ego” Is Still You

There’s been a trend lately around creating an alter ego—a confident version of yourself who takes the risks you’re scared to. And while that can be helpful, don’t forget: your alter ego isn’t another person. It’s not Beyoncé playing Sasha Fierce. It’s you, without the fear filter. It's you, unbothered, focused, bold, and clear. Another version of you, not another person entirely.

When you realize that, everything shifts. You stop waiting to become the person who can do the thing, and you start realizing you already and really are!

Let’s change the language. You’re not faking it. You’re practicing. You’re growing. You’re becoming. You’re not faking. You ARE.